


Wannabe

by disposableteen



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 90's Pop, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Crack, Levi being mercilessly teased, Levi singing, M/M, and later getting payback, rated Mature for brief sex scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 14:39:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10992984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disposableteen/pseuds/disposableteen
Summary: Erwin comes home to find his husband cleaning, as usual, but something is definitely not as usual.The story of the first and last time Erwin heard Levi singing.





	Wannabe

**Author's Note:**

> What the hell is this, I don't even know. I listened to way too much crappy 90's pop while writing this. Blame youtube. And Spice Girls.

It has been one of Levi’s short workdays, so Erwin isn’t at all surprised to be greeted with the sound of his husband vacuuming when he comes home. The air is already full of the slightly citrusy scent of the spray Levi uses to clean shelves and tables, and it didn’t take long for Erwin to associate that scent with  _ home  _ after they had moved in together years ago. But there’s an unusual sound being heard over the noisy vacuum cleaner, one that makes Erwin stop and do a double take in the hallway.

_ “I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want, So tell me what you want, what you really really want, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna..” _

Levi. Is singing. His tiny, grumpy,  _ terrifying  _ husband is singing Wannabe by Spice Girls. Erwin can barely believe his luck. It isn’t a secret that Levi enjoys cleaning, it’s an undisputed fact even, but he has never heard him  _ singing  _ while doing it. He has never heard him sing at all.

He silently toes off his shoes and sneaks inside as quietly as humanly possible. The singing gets louder the closer he gets, and when he rounds the corner into the living room he sees Levi dressed in a pair of old boxer briefs, one of Erwin’s t-shirts and his usual kerchief around his head. He has his back to Erwin and has seemingly no idea he’s not alone.

_ “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. Make it last forever, friendship never ends~” _

As Levi drags out the last word and does a little butt wiggle Erwin loses it. He is a strong man, someone people look up to, famous for his infallible poker face, but even he can’t stop himself from bursting out into almost hysterical laughter.  Levi nearly jumps into the air in shock and whips around so fast he almost drops the vacuum cleaner.

“Erwin!” he says, and the tips of his ears go red. 

As he sees his big, stupid husband rolling on the floor in laughter his surprise turns to (embarrassed) fury.

“You motherfucker! You creepy, immoral,  _ rude  _ piece of garbage!” he yells and desperately tries to make his voice sound  _ angry  _ and not mortified. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry-!” Erwin manages to wheeze out in between fits of laughter. “I just had to see..!”

He pushes himself off the floor and makes an effort to calm down.

“I never knew you were a Spice Girls fan..” 

His effort is in vain, and he breaks down into unmanly giggling. Which only fuels Levi on even more. 

“I will fucking kill you!!”

Erwin’s laughter doesn’t die down until much later, after Levi has chased him around their house with the vacuum cleaner high in the air, using it on every part of Erwin he can reach. 

 

*

 

“Ah-ah-ah-..! Come on!” Levi whines and digs his fingers into Erwin’s hair as his orgasm is denied once again. 

His husband has teased him for what feels like  _ hours,  _ sucking him off only to stop right as he got to the brink, eating him out like a man starved, murmuring all the things he wants to do into Levi’s skin. Each time only to leave him hanging.

“Tell me what you want.” Erwin whispers huskily and kisses the tip of his cock, as if in apology for torturing it so. 

“I want you to let me come, you dickhead!” Levi groans and aims a kick at his head. 

He really should have seen it coming. Erwin looks up, grinning from ear to ear. 

“Is that what you really, really, really wanna?”

The silence stretches on for several seconds, as if time stands still with Erwin still grinning and Levi staring down at him, until-...

“You absolute ASSHOLE!!” 

Levi’s voice reaches a slightly higher pitch, and he twists himself out from under Erwin’s body, just as Erwin breaks down into a fit of giggles. 

“Babe, come on!” He laughs and reaches out towards him. 

“No! Don’t you babe me! No sex! No sex for a  _ month!! _ ”

Erwin might have made a mistake. 

 

*

 

Erwin wasn’t done. This kind of situation was rare, for  _ him  _ to be the one to finally be the one to tease, instead of being the teased. Levi has never held back in the past, and he has a lot of time to make up for. The thought of not having sex for a month was rather daunting, until Levi had stopped strangling him with his own pillow and demanded to have the best orgasm of his life to make up for his “trauma”, and so it doesn’t seem their very well functioning sex life is in danger.

 

*

 

It turns out their sex life was in danger after all. After Erwin decided to play  _ Wannabe _ pretty damn loudly for three hours, and changing the password on their computer so Levi couldn’t pause it, there had been… Complications. Namely, Levi would hiss and smack Erwin’s hands whenever he tried to touch him. No matter how much he pouted, no matter how much he worked his best puppy eyes, Levi would not budge. Not even when Erwin tried to faceplant into his crotch with a whine.

Clearly, he only had one option. Make one last joke, and then leave it. 

 

*

 

Levi is, surprisingly enough, enjoying himself. He usually despises bars and pubs and, in general, every place where a lot of people get together to drink copious amounts of alcohol. Those places are always the dirtiest too (he gagged when he read about those peanuts bars always offer, and how so few people wash their hands after using the bathroom before they eat them), but this place isn’t too bad. 

He is sitting in a cosy booth together with Erwin, Hanji and Mike, it isn’t too loud and it’s almost as if he cleaned these floors himself. Not too shabby.

He’s only had one drink, and the buzz is just enough to make him smile a bit more than usual, chuckling slightly at Hanji’s latest catastrophe -falling asleep watching Netflix in bed and somehow setting her sheets on fire. 

“Remember when we lived together in college?”

They grin at Levi, and the small man’s small falls and he groans instead.

“Please,  _ please _ stop reminding me. You still owe me money for therapy. You still owe me money for  _ so many things _ .”

Hanji tries, and fails, to put up an offended front.

“Hey, you only saw me naked twi-”

“You’re reminding me again!!”

He drags his hands down his face and takes another sip of whatever was in his glass. Something with vodka. Not too bad. 

 

“I lived together with this girl in my twenties” Mike begins, feeling it might be best for Hanji’s immediate future if he changes the topic slightly. 

“She was pretty cool and I desperately needed a roommate to split the bills with, so I let her move in after only a quick interview. It was all fine and well, until Erwin visited after a month or so. He hadn’t met her yet, but I didn’t think it would be any trouble”

Erwin is chuckling quietly.

“I have no idea what put her off, but she was instantly bugged about something. Kept sneering at him, disagreed with everything he said, even when she had expressed similar opinions before. Remember, Erwin?”

Erwin grins and nods.

“How could I forget? That was the worst glare I had ever received. Until I met Levi, of course.”

That earned him an elbow to his ribs, but he just grinned even wider, wrapping his arm around his grumbling husband.

 

“I tried to salvage this, right, but it wasn’t long until  _ someone  _ had had enough and fled the scene, leaving me alone with her. And I swear, the  _ second  _ Erwin left she turned to me, pulled me down by the collar of my shirt, and fucking forced her tongue into my mouth.

Now, I didn’t mind making out with people I barely knew, but I was really annoyed at how she had been behaving. So I pushed her away and said something along the lines off ‘I’m not making out with someone who treats my best friend like you just did’”

He takes a sip of his beer before he continues, and as always there’s some that gets caught in his mustache.

“She gave me this sour look and wondered why the hell that mattered. Something about wanting to be with me and not Erwin. So I looked into her eyes, and told her very seriously-...”

 

Mike makes a dramatic pause and looks around the table.

“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.”

 

It doesn’t even take a quarter of a second before Erwin, Hanji and Mike have collapsed on the table, all roaring with laughter, and Levi is shouting abuse at them.

“I hate you guys so much!! I’m never going out drinking with you ever again! Friendship  _ over _ !!”

He even goes as far as to throw his drink into Erwin’s face, which turned out to be just as fun as it looked on tv. And then he decides it’s finally payback time.

“While we’re sharing, why don’t you tell them about the time you were fucking me, Erwin, balls deep and ready to come, and suddenly pulled out and ran out of the room  _ because Antiques roadshow was starting and you simply couldn’t miss it! _ ”

 

Mike spills his beer laughing, and Hanji starts to cackle loud enough that people stare at them.

Erwin, on the other hand, looks horrified.

“You  _ promised  _ not to tell everyone after I  _ apologised for the rest of that night _ ! My dick was  _ sore  _ in the morning!”

Levi only smirks at him and drinks his something-with-vodka like a movie villain.

 

Erwin knew from the sound of his best friends’ laughter that he would never see the end of their teasing, and so he decides to go all in. If he’s going down he’s taking Levi with him.

“Levi  _ cried  _ when I accidentally threw out his most precious anti-bacterial spray!!”

They are drawing more and more attention, especially as Levi starts to hit Erwin’s head, and Hanji falling off their chair.

“Speaking of crying!” Levi yells, and Erwin’s eyes go wide in fear. He wouldn’t… “Erwin cried at the end of Frozen!”

“Hey!” Erwin yelps and tries to shield himself from Levi’s fists. “It is a delightful movie which you are  _ supposed  _ to cry to!”

But his defence is all in vain. Whatever respect his friends had for him is already far gone, and he can already envision the kind of hell they’ll give both him and his husband in the future. Worse than that, he doesn’t have anything to retaliate with. Lots of embarrassing moments sure, but nothing that tops crying at a Disney movie. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it is perfectly healthy, but his friends don’t seem to understand that as well as he does. Only one thing to do now.

 

“Well, Levi and I are adopting a baby!!”

Both the punches and the laughing suddenly stops, and Hanji’s head pokes up from underneath the table.

“You-...” Levi narrows his eyes. “You  _ son-of-a-bitch _ , you promised I could tell them!”

But there’s no real anger in his voice anymore, and he turns to Mike and Hanji with a small, if a bit hesitant, smile.

They’re silent for so long that both Erwin and Levi start to worry that they might not think it’s a good idea. Have their friends ever expressed a certain hatred towards babies, or adoption in general?

Mike looks at Hanji, and then back up at the couple in front of him. He opens his mouth, but Hanji immediatly cuts him off.

 

“OH MY GOD YOU’RE HAVING A BABY YOU’RE GONNA BE PARENTS HOLY FUCK YOU’RE GONNA BE DADDIES YOU’RE GONNA PASS ON THE FAMILY NAME I’M GONNA BABYSIT ALL THE TIME-...!!”

 

Levi has a sudden flashback to the way Hanji reacted when he told them Erwin had proposed, and he really should have prepared for this. There’s no stopping them, they continue squealing and yelling and being generally loud and enthusiastic all through them all hugging and celebrating and Mike bursting out in tears as Erwin asks him to be the godfather.

They only shut up when Levi comments, rather casually, that if Hanji doesn’t close their mouth soon they won’t get to be the second godparent. Which, of course, only lasts for about three seconds before they start yelling again.

 

All in all, the evening ended well. The bartender offered them free drinks to celebrate, as no one in the entire room had missed a word of what had been said (or yelled), and as soon as they had finished their drinks they were promptly kicked out for disturbing the other guests. 

A certain song by the Spice Girls wasn’t mentioned ever again. Atleast not until Hanji suggested they name the baby “Posh Spice”.

 


End file.
